Ingredient of Marriage
Posted on July 7, 2008 | Filed Under
Marriage Advice
Marriage is widely termed as the most important social event in an Indian family. But over the years the concept of marriage has taken different proposition. Today we don't see marriages as our parents or grandparents use to see years ago.
The Indian cultural scene is a riot of colours, and the wedding season is no exception. From time immemorial, Indian weddings have been sacred ceremonies celebrated with much pomp and show. The grandeur of the ceremony has in no way diminished with time.
But the kinds of weddings that we see today were not how weddings were celebrated in yesteryears. The various social customs and rituals, which were associated with marriages, played a very prominent part in deciding the marriage between two families.
That time the consent of the family and parents were more important than the consent of the bride and bridegroom. The custom of arranged marriages have been a part of Indian culture since the fourth century. The practice of arranged marriages began mainly to maintain and unite the upper caste families. For maintaining their family traditions the system of arranged marriages started.
Along with the concept of arranged marriages the dowry system became prevalent in medieval India. Today this custom of dowry is one of the major social menaces in the path of India's growth. It is a burden to the bride's family and it has gone up to such an extent that ever year reports of thousands of dowry deaths of newly wedded wife are heard every year.
But yet there are some people who believe that in India, an arranged marriage probably has a greater chance of being successful, than a love marriage. Their arguments to favor this statement: "In US, where love marriage is the norm, has a much higher divorce rate compared to India, where arranged marriages are the norm. And now that love marriages are becoming more common in India, the divorce rate is also going up."
The first flaw in the above argument, of course, is that divorces don't necessarily happen because of love marriages. The reason for a higher divorce rate is also because of better education, and because women are no longer afraid to take charge of their own life, and because the taboo of a divorce is slowly lifting from Indian society.
In case of love marriage you get the time to know each other, you spend time together, you love each other and then get married but in arrange marriages it is totally a different story all together. You start loving a person after you get married. It may sound paradoxical to someone who doesn't believe in the concept of love after marriage but this is what used to happen earlier and even happening now in most of the cases. Some people even say that arranged marriage is more successful then love marriage.
A typical love marriage in India today, is very different from a Love Marriage, say, in the UK. Before a marriage in the UK both the man and the woman experience a lot more than their counterparts in India. There are relationships as teenagers, they spends months or years together, they even live together, and only then do they tie the knot. On the other hand, a typical Indian love marriage is more like falling in love, Courtship, proposing and finally getting married.
When two peoples are in love, the equation is very different before the matter of commitment comes in. there are expectations built up, when you are in love that arent very easy to live up to, after marriage.
You can marry and than start liking and eventually loving that person. It is how you look into the matter. It is not necessary to know a person than only you can love. You can love without even knowing. Love doesn't come forcibly to anybody it just comes naturally. For loving somebody you need to spend time together, you need to understand each other; you need to be loyal to each other. There should be commitment, trust and empathy in your relationship then only true love grows.
So be it love or arranged marriage the core essence in both remains the same that is true unconditional love.
The writer is a Journalist based at India and can be contacted at nit43@rediffmail.com
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